Is the Republican Party Too High Maintenance for America?
I’m beginning to feel that the main problem with the Republican Party is that they’re just expecting too much from the normally politically lazy American public. Look at some of the things they expect us to do if we want to be a part of their “team”:
- When in public, we must wear funny red baseball hats and ill-fitting costumes made out of discarded American flags.
- We must mount huge Trump flags on our pick-up trucks (we must drive pick-up trucks), obscuring our vision of the road and significantly lowering our mileage.
- We must purchase the full set of Trump Trading Cards for $99 each.
- We must carry guns at all times and be ready to engage in a firefight at any moment.
- We must love our guns more than we care about the safety of our children.
- We must be willing to threaten any local public official with death for doing their job.
- We must attend every local school board meeting and demand the banning of at least five books we have never read.
- Preferably, we should home-school our kids so they don’t get indoctrinated by so-called “education”.
- We must never, ever believe anything not confirmed for us by Donald Trump or Fox News … wait, this just in, make that Donald Trump or Newsmax.
If all this isn’t demanding enough, we must also maintain a constant state of cat-like vigilance, actively surveilling our neighbors for various offenses against the state, including:
- Jogging while black.
- Voting while young.
- Working while Hispanic.
- Breathing while gay.
- Not keeping accurate records of young women’s menstrual cycles.
- Not checking the genitals of every person entering a women’s bathroom.
- Not reporting anyone driving toward the state border with a teenage girl in the car.
- Not allowing state officials to examine what’s in everyone’s medicine cabinet.
- Getting caught NOT…